It is two days post Christmas. I’m laying in my bed, sad. This is the first time in many years that I have given in the commercialization of the holiday and while the shopping was fun, it doesn’t feel good today.
I feel physically sick at how emotional I am over this.
I didn’t get to go to the candlelit Christmas Eve service at church and feel the community around me. I didn’t sit in a church pew and feel the comforting weight of hearing the story of our Savior’s birth.
Rather I watched parts of the service on my phone while waiting in line for the car wash bay to open up on the unseasonably warm December day, then arrived later than we expected at my husband’s family Christmas.
The Christmas gifts we gave were investments into health, a sauna for Chad and I to share, clothing, audiobooks and players, paint and canvases, upgrading things that we decided last year no longer served us well (toxic nail polish, etc.) A TV and a couch for our family room, to allow for greater crowds to gather more comfortably in our home.
Small toys that were intentionally picked for the way they spark creativity and free thinking.
Then, after all the gifts were opened, I surprised my husband with a Playstation 5. This may sound fun, but it does not align with our family values. I spent too much on it, and we had already talked about it and decided it wasn’t best for our family.
We’ve had a similar video game system with hundreds of dollars invested into games, and I donated it when it became a problem for our family.
I knew in my heart this wasn’t a gift that would serve us, and I gave it anyway because I liked the wow factor.
If you have one and it works for you or your family, that’s great. I’m glad you can set healthy boundaries and feel it serves you.
To me, it’s invasive. It’s another thing to pull attention away from things that are more productive and bring value to our lives.
It’s the fact that I went against my husband’s wishes, and I’m disappointed in myself.
It’s not just that device weighing on me. It’s all the things that are out of place in our home because we opened new gifts that don’t have their resting places in our home yet.
We are off routine. I ate a whole candy bar over the weekend… twice (too much sugar makes me weepy), and I still don’t have the gifts figured out for our next family Christmas gathering in 2 days.
That’s all.
I’m fine, but I’d like to feel better than that.
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